Keeping The “Self” in Self-Esteem

As some of you know, the heroine in my novel, Control Switch, (Candace Bradford), is a cover_rev_sm.jpglife coach who gains success by spouting off advice on how to master control. Not that she’s taken seriously after life serves her up a big plate full of mayhem, but I have gotten a lot of positive feedback on some of the quotes from her fictional book of non-fiction. One in particular seems to resonate with folks more than the rest:

“How do you build self-esteem? Impress yourself, not others. Follow through with the thing you fear the most” 

I put this in my book for a reason: I truly believe it, so I’m here to elaborate on Candace’s behalf. 

Our fears can vary as much as our individual personalities: eating in restaurants alone, public speaking, heights, the list goes on. They are, however, generally classified as those things that cause us the most discomfort. It doesn’t matter whether these “fears” are substantiated or perceived. They’re all relative and as real as breath itself to the person experiencing them.

What’s the best way to end these dreaded anticipations of danger? Push yourself outside of your comfort zone. 

For me, comfort zones suck. I loathe them. They threaten to age us and hold us back from experiencing life to the fullest. They can scare us into sitting on a sofa watching others live their lives in some absurd display of what popular media classifies as Confined“reality.” 

Yes, you need to do things that impress yourSELF and not others. When you can look in the mirror on a regular basis and say, “Wow. I just did that!” you’ll become unstoppable. 

Make a list of the things that scare the shit out of you. Start small at confronting each one and work your way up. You will be shocked at the transformation that takes place as a result. 

Feel free to share your list of fears, and/or ways you’ve overcome them, on this comment thread or on my Facebook page. Both Candace and I will celebrate each and every victory along with you.

**This blog is also available at



2 thoughts on “Keeping The “Self” in Self-Esteem

  1. Many years ago, in the late 80s, I was at a retirement party for one of my husband’s colleagues. I noticed that, although lots of the women in the room worked with this man for years, only men came to the podium to offer their good wishes and tell comical stories. It was one of my earliest “aha” moments about the need for women to find their voice, own it, and share it. Right then I vowed to take every opportunity to speak aloud in front of others. I’ve learned to raise my hand in workshops, take a turn at the microphone, volunteer for presentations. Yes, it was hard at first, but well worth the pain. I urge all women to do it. What we have to say is just as important.

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